The NHS: Epilogue

Welcome to the shit show.

I’d hoped I could avoid doing another one of these things. However industrial action is upon us, and it’s a real stinker this time. Yes I know, I’m partially responsible for this mess, I “whipped up the militants” and turned you into old trots.


  • There is no consensus as to what you doctors want
  • Strikes are pointless until you know what you want
  • The BMA have been relying on a ragtag group of grassroots types to coordinate 90% of the PR campaign
  • Infighting is as useful as pushing water up hill.
  • The BMA need to become a union, not a boys club
  • Rank and file doctors need to start treating the BMA as a real union, not suffering in silence. See the very end of this article
  • The GMC and HEE are vulnerable to pressure.

The new reality

There is a new political landscape, there will be no general election for 4 years. People are seriously talking about bringing back fucking imperial units. Throughout this madness there is literally no viable political opposition. The government could go full Herod and labour would still be unable to muster a unified condemnation. But don’t worry; after brief shadow cabinet reshuffle and another four month leadership contest their twitter campaign will be top notch.

If you disagree you’re either a blue tory, or a cannibalistic blairite.

You have no chips

Industrial action is a game of poker. You play the man, not the cards. You know why the Exec had to pull the strike? Because you all were jumping around in different directions. Much of this is down to poor communications, the rest down to poor consensus. The JDC Exec were forced into announcing strikes because some cunt(s) leaked again.

However, the strike were rushed poorly communicated and had no clear aim.

Throughout this regrettable recent crisis, Jeremy Hunt is I assume masturbating to a massive portrait of Hier May dreaming of a british “cultural revolution”* whilst Ed Jones pours hot wax on his balls, and Paul Harrison Beats him with a riding crop. How can he be so (allegedly) decadently deviant at a time like this?

Hunt’s SPADs are well connected through wining and dining the press More importantly they have a coherent narrative: There are more doctors, and more cash than every before. Just don’t compare spending to GDP, or doctors per capita. Hunt even mentioned rota gaps. Something he’s never really done under questioning before. He can afford to be smug because this is what the BMA’s press campaign looks like:

duck duck duck duck duck duck

If the press have to do work to understand your point of view, you’re fucked. They are heroine junkies; they’ll take any old smack as long as its already cooked up and in a needle. If they have to work for it, they might start getting the shakes, and will shuffle off to suck some other wonk’s cock for a quick hit of page impressions.

Hunt admitted that there are rota gaps, thats mid-staffs on a nationwide scale. However because doctors were distracted by the moral implications of striking, nobody spoon feed the smackheads in the press. This is a massive failure in PR and Comms from the BMA.

What do you, the doctors actually want?

Yes, I am aware that the NHS is buckling. I have moved, I’ve looked at the hospitals nearby and fuck me, if my child had been delivered at one of those places, I’d be visiting the most tragic grave every week.

Service cuts are real. People are dying left right and centre because its profligate to offer basic care for the populous. A 1000 people died in mysterious circumstances. Not one shit was given, apparently because some old bloke sitting on the fucking floor of a train.


That isn’t what this strike is about, is it? Its about pay and conditions. It’s a very sad day when the public understand more about why you are striking, than you do your selves.

For the love of cock, how do you know when to stop if you can’t even explain why you are on strike in the first place?

Future steps

BMA types, this is aimed at you: I know there are some good eggs in there. Its up to you to literally beat the crusty farts, lunatics, man children, perpetual student union officers and idealists into shape.

You cannot have a jizum of committees scrutinising Every. Fucking. Press. Release. You must set the high level narrative and let the poor press team (I’m sorry, I thought you were the problem, I apologise) spunk out a coherent message. I cannot emphasise how much damage the “let the grass roots figure out the press” has done. You’re fucking lucky that we had a well-organised team working round the clock to unfuck your every mistake.

The BMA must own the narrative, this means flooding the airwaves with official BMA reps who are well primed. They must displace the car crash axe grinders and incoherent types.

This coherent narrative then needs to be publicly backed up by the hierarchy. This means you Porter. No wishy-washy bollocks, stick to the party line or fuck off to the golf course. At every opportunity a BMA type needs to be presented to push the party line. (Speaking of party lines, you need better document tracking. You’ve still not nailed the leaky cunts; this is something that technology can solve.)

Whilst we are at it, you need to educate your members about how inflation, pensions and taxes work. you need to explain why annual sub inflation payrises are exceptionally sneaky devices to keep the wage bill down.

You also need to actually engage with the guardian of safe working, and make sure that in every hospital they are either the BMA’s bitch, or deeply fearful of the BMA.


Why in living fuck are there three separate press campaigns going on? (GP, Consultant & Junior Doctors) Did Bob Crow differentiate between station staff, tube drivers or engineers in their actions? Did he fuck. He might have been the scourge of london, but he damn well looked after his own. Most of the RMT lack basic education but they seem to understand how to be a real trade union a fuck sight better than the lifers inside the BMA. Stop faffing, cull the number of people making decision and actually represent your members. Don’t pontificate, fucking lobby.

Finally, what’s with the lack of 1/2/3-day a week union reps in each hospital? Even fucking Job Centre workers have this, and they can’t get enthusiastic about anything.

BMA Members

Just repeat after me: “just wait till my union hears about this”. The only way to turn the BMA into an effective union is by participation. Rota is fucked? You will email: “just wait till my union hears about this” to the coordinator. You will then find the nearest Union rep and badger them to fix it. Being pressured to do unsafe things? “Just wait till my union hears of this”. Life partner not doing the dishes reliably? “Just wait till my union hears of this”

Repeat after me: “I will change the BMA for the better by voting in the election” and “I will vote out lifers, idealists, overtly noisy windbags and power-hungry types”

And finally: “I will make changes at the local level. I will challenge stupid working practices.”

If you get shite server, contact me and I will chase. Don’t take no for an answer. You pay them good money, demand a useful answer.


If I were you, I’d be organising a campaign against the GMC and HEE directly. They are exceptionally vulnerable to pressure, Dispatching a delegation of 1000 angry doctors to each head office will make them think deeply about their place in the world.

The GMC’s new “Linkedin” style register is almost illegal now, it will almost certainly fall foul of the new data protection act coming in 2018, which carries a £20million fine.

  • Yes, I’m mixing Mao with Hitler. I know I ripped the piss out of people for mixing bad metaphors. Do as I say, not as I do, dear reader.